When I was in school, for whatever reason (wanting to fit in, to please, to look cool, to avoid confrontation), I was quite the liar - to my friends, teachers, parents. It didn't matter.
I'm not sure exactly when I had my epiphany, but there was a moment when I realized that people could sense when I was lying. Whenever I said truth or lie, they would carefully check my face and proceed with caution. I'm sure it created a barrier that prevented people from becoming close to me. How could it not?
Which would explain the lack of friends I hung onto from that period of my life. Looking back, I could make all kinds of excuses and try to lay blame elsewhere, but it all came from choices *I* made. No one else.
I'm glad I changed my ways when I was just out of school. I doubt I would still be with N if I hadn't. He wouldn't have been able to tolerate it for long. I know I wouldn't.
And so . . . I'm thankful for the ability to change and grow.
It's never too late.