Friday, November 12, 2010


I've often heard that, "No one escapes childhood (or young adulthood) unscathed,"I'm guessing here, but I believe we all come to relationships with our own individual baggage.  Some of us with towering, paralyzing piles of it.
I know the two of us did.

Not long after we met, N helped me to open up my suitcases, rummage through the mess inside and then after some good long cries, let me know that he loved me in spite of it all.  And I provided a sympathetic ear for N to talk about his baggage--to talk about what he wanted or was able to share.

I'd like to believe that we helped each other come to grips with our pasts--examining, understanding and then letting most of it go.  BUT we still have issues connected with our pasts that we crash into from time to time.  Stress seems to be the cause of bringing these things to the surface.  And because it is mired in our pasts, I find it difficult to figure out what's current and what's old crap.

We went to see a therapist every week for about 9 months to help us deal with one of our last (and worse) bouts.  It was a good, cleansing experience, but now that several months have passed I'm not sure if we were given any tools to deal on our own.  During our sessions it felt good to have my statements interpreted into something N could understand and vice versa.  I think we both gained more insight into the effects our pasts had on us.  But it stops there.  Emotions run too high to tackle it on our own in an hour's time.

And so, after trying to be understood, I realize that I need to try and understand, too.  End result? I'll be giving some things up I enjoy for the good of our relationship.  He's worth it.


Can Opener Boy said...

Thanks for your humility & honest transparency. And good for you! A great example to us all.

KandN said...

Thanks for the good words, Keith. I think part of this process I'm going through required me to write it out.

Rebekah said...

Well stated, K! That's why your such a wonderful person - because you care about people and you work at making your relationships healthy. I admire you very much.

KandN said...

Rebekah, You're sweet, thank you!

Would it surprise you to know that I see you as someone to emulate? Your warmth, sincerity and positive no nonsense attitude, make you an excellent role model--not just for your students, but all of us. We're lucky to know you.