Words of Wisdom from Carolyn Hax

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"Dear Carolyn:

I have a sticky situation at work. The company I work for often needs information from "Jane's" organization. I have been in my field for a year, while Jane is seasoned in hers.

I feel intimidated by Jane, who can be short and abrasive on the phone, and usually speaks loudly, like she's yelling at me. She hangs up as I am ending my remarks. Like "Good [click] bye."

When our conversation is over, I feel small and a bit run over.

I don't know how to deal with her rudeness and present myself as a professional who should be treated respectfully. I don't want to be argumentative, and there really is no one above her I could talk to. Any suggestions?

D.C.

Jane isn't your mother, your mate, your close friend, your beauty contest judge, your doctoral review committee, the judge at your custody hearing or even the seen-it-all, public-weary power-tripper at the window of the DMV. You don't need Jane to like you. You just need the information your job requires.

So, put on your business skin (read: elephant hide) over your thin personal skin, state your business and be done with Jane, while expecting the same from her. It's both assertive and pragmatic. And if her hanging up on you shaves your Jane time to its absolute minimum, maybe that's a gift."