After decades of reading advice columns, starting with Landers, van Buren and currently Hax, I've learned some things. Whether they're useful or not depends on whether you're ready for a little self inspection. Some days I'm ready and on others I can be a bit clueless. Okay okay okay, many days I find myself clueless. Sheesh!
The issue I see most often is that basically, we ALL stink at communication. Perhaps due to our choices, we don't want anyone else in our business -- and seldom for the best of reasons. Also, it's a rare person who can offer a non-biased account of a relationship issue or courteously speak up for themselves in the moment, but (as I've discovered reading Carolyn Hax's chats) they do exist.
I put how we stink at communication first, because ... well, because we DO. We have issues with friends or family and immediately try to see how we can either get others on our side or skew the story or ... create their own story about the situation. Stop that. You know exactly what I mean-- we want allies and we'll do what we can to get them. Whatever type of stroking or bribing it might take. Instead of the all so simple solution: sitting down face to face to talk it out, sometimes it can happen in one sit down and sometimes it can take more. The circumstances depend on how firmly and how long people have been grasping to their "truth".
Why is talking to each other so difficult? Fear of opening up? Too many times of having someone shut you down, not listening or telling you you're wrong? Yes ... I might be talking to myself and hoping I listen this time.
Love, K
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